But in the end, I'll still be here.

Whether I like it or not.... there are still some things I can't do. I can't stop thinking about you. I can't walk into Valley Fair without worrying, even if it has been over a year. It's hard to listen to Korean music. I don't like to eat sweets or just anything anymore. I can't play the piano without remembering how you played it. On some level, I subconsciously refuse to watch certain movies when they were only meant to be watched with one person and one person only. I can’t do these things because they hold the weight of the type of past that I keep trying to move pass, but for some reason I can’t because the memories attached to these things never went away.

Eventually, I thought they would, but eventually never came.

And then there are some things I can not do. I can’t not listen to Korean music. I can't stop hearing your voice replaying in my head. Whenever I eat something, anything, I'm determine to finish it, even when it makes me feel sick to the core. I continuously to try to pick up piano, even when I know I can't play anymore. I still have that t-shirt I once borrowed that hanging in my closet, but I can't give it back. It’s like I want to keep these things in my pocket, keep them close to my chest because of how in love I am with the memories that are tied to these things, so much that I can’t bare to untie them from my mind, so much I can’t imagine not still having them as a part of my life.

All these things have been constant reminders of people—people who have left a little bit of a hole in my life and a little bit of themselves with me whether they realized it or not. And whether I like it or not, it’s something I’ve learned to carry with me, inside the deepest pockets of my heart.