Cause I got my pride, I'm not gonna cry.

there wont be no tears falling from these eyes

I was talking to one of the girls I've just recently met, and she told me she was deciding to move back to North Carolina, and I asked her what made her decide to do that because she just came to NY about twoish-three months ago. She replied saying, "I miss all of my friends, and my boyfriend lives there. I guess I'm just not ready to give all of that up completely."

I responded telling that if she thinks that's best, then she should do that.

I thought more about her response, even though it was short and simple, but I just couldn't understand how she was feeling. I think a while back I felt the same way as she did, because I was the one who wanted to go back home for my senior year. And once my mother decided to pull me out of my current high school, I didn't care. I don't think I even thought of the consequences until it was too late. I came back thinking that I would be able to continue my life where I left it off that day. Because I thought that I was ready to face them, but in reality I really wasn't.

I came back being more distant than ever. My closest friends didn't even know that I returned to stay for the year. I never mentioned it to them either.

I ended up getting a new circle of friends, due to where I attended. But that circle of "friends" fell apart within these last few month. I should won't try to fix my relationship with them. I honestly don't care about them.

I chose to give everything up once I left for New York, because I really wanted to start over, to stop running away, to let go, to just accept who I am rather than fighting against who I am, to stop thinking about doing it, and just really do it this time.

I ready now.

This time, this time, I'm doing it.