Mindy's prompt I: Definition of Happiness
My mind, my heart, my hands, the pen I hold and the blank piece of paper laying flat beneath it holds endless possibilities, an endless combination of ideas. Unfortunately, nothing comes to my mind. Nothing inspires me anymore. Is it because I’m trapped within the walls of this constant domain? A world that never changes, a world I’ve started to lose my track of time in. Mental stimulation is what I need, yet I can never seem to get enough of. Is there no one who can pull me out? I’m starting to feel lost in this routine life of mine.
I forgot how to be happy.
I can’t even begin to describe to you what it’s like to crave the ability to feel. When you’re numb from what is supposed to be emotional devastation, you wish more than anything to be allowed to feel the sadness instead of just sitting there in a corner of your mind, observing the tragedy and admiring its beauty.
And then you turn on a piercing song that you normally wouldn’t be able to hear without crumbling, yet all it does is make the moment more beautiful. And you sit there and you grip your head going insane with the lack of pain, lack of fear, lack of emotion…
Because it’s better to feel it all.
It’s reassuring.
Like a pulse.
It assures you that you’re human.
The apathy…
Is terrifying.
Happiness is not a permanent possession. It's a state that you move in and out of. Sometimes, I really wish for a moment in time that would lift me out of this day, or there was something, anything that would make feel this empty. But then - I feel guilty for wanting to avoid this sadness. Even if, it's eating me away. It's like there's this secret hole in the middle of me that every happy thing fell into. The fact that one is not always happy is not a problem; therefore, I won't look for a solution when there is no problem.
“The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible” – Oscar Wild
I forgot how to be happy.
I can’t even begin to describe to you what it’s like to crave the ability to feel. When you’re numb from what is supposed to be emotional devastation, you wish more than anything to be allowed to feel the sadness instead of just sitting there in a corner of your mind, observing the tragedy and admiring its beauty.
And then you turn on a piercing song that you normally wouldn’t be able to hear without crumbling, yet all it does is make the moment more beautiful. And you sit there and you grip your head going insane with the lack of pain, lack of fear, lack of emotion…
Because it’s better to feel it all.
It’s reassuring.
Like a pulse.
It assures you that you’re human.
The apathy…
Is terrifying.
Happiness is not a permanent possession. It's a state that you move in and out of. Sometimes, I really wish for a moment in time that would lift me out of this day, or there was something, anything that would make feel this empty. But then - I feel guilty for wanting to avoid this sadness. Even if, it's eating me away. It's like there's this secret hole in the middle of me that every happy thing fell into. The fact that one is not always happy is not a problem; therefore, I won't look for a solution when there is no problem.
“The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible” – Oscar Wild
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