Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness

Sometimes I want to go up to someone, who is really close to me, hug them really tightly, and just cry my eyes out. But whenever I get the chance to, I don't. I can't bring myself to do that.

I don't want anyone to see me with my eyes puffed up, tears flowing down cheeks, sobbing insanely, where my voice cracks at every syllable I try to pronounce.

I just don't want anyone to see me at my most vulnerable state.

Instead, I'll just hide my insecurities, fear, frustration, sorrow, sadness, and envy with this smile.

Yesterday was the first day I cried myself to sleep since June.