DAY 3 - describe your first relationship

My first relationship was with Johnny, but my first serious relationship was with someone else.

Our relationship was filled with love and laughter. At the time, I was 16 and he was 18. I remember every time I would cuss in Korean, and he would cuss back in Vietnamese. Sometimes, I still cuss in Korean, and I would wait for someone to respond back in Vietnamese. No one ever does though. I have this weird habit where I can't eat unless someone is going to eat with me too, so every night when we would talk on the phone - no matter how late it was- he would drive over just to eat with me. He taught me how to live life on the edge. Maybe that's why I just run out into streets when cars are passing by, haha. I got this "fuck this shit" attitude from him too.

I trusted him completely, and I never doubted his faithfulness to me.

Somewhere along the line though, the cracks in the relationship started to appear. Maybe it was because I left to go to Harvard, and in that month.... I don't know he let someone else into our relationship.

I wasn't in love with him just yet, maybe I was denying it, but I thought about it. I thought about it more than I probably should have. I spent too much time planning on how I would fall in love with him, and having that beautiful relationship that I dreamed of. I worked it up in my head that everything he and I did was beneficial. The fights, the laughs, the silence.

The way he left hurt so much. I can't describe the amount of hurt it was to have a person I put so much pain in, someone I thought would be my best friend, someone I thought would be my love, go and break me down like that.

I handled the breakup badly. I didn't cry, not because I didn't want to break down, because I couldn't. It hurt too much to cry, so I held it in.

There were a couple nights in Boston, where it was pouring down rain, and one night I decided to walk towards Harvard's Bridge. When I got to the center of the bridge, I climbed to sit on the ledge, and I jumped. I wanted to wash away with the waves. I thought maybe it'll wash all way my misery -not just the pain caused from him- but the misery from my entire life. Maybe I'll be better off that way, I thought. Unfortunately, the waves didn't wash me away. To this day, I'm not so sure if I'm glad I survived. I wished I drowned.

Towards the end of summer, when I came back from Harvard, I avoided all the areas that I knew where he would be. During October, I saw him, and in flash incident all the pain came rushing back.

And it just hit me, hit me so hard in the face, that I remembered it all. I remember all the secrets, the promises, the sweet moments, the memories. I believed in every word you said.

every single word

All those words were just empty words. All those promises were just broken promises. I wanted it to work, I wanted to believe. I let you turned me into a falling star, but you let me crash and burn.