Lie, the words that mean love

This has been an ongoing feeling, but these past few months it's stronger than before. It's a mixture of loneliness and sadness, and I'm not doing anything to help it either. Instead, I'm just sitting staring at those nonexistent bottles on the left side of my desk.

Maybe because I'm growing weary I'm feeling the pain increase in folds.



I can't move around without my chest hurting nowadays. Normally, when I'm overwhelmed with emotions, or feeling just one strong emotion, that's when my heart fluctuates from a abnormal heart beat to a sluggish heart rate. Sometimes, I can't breathe - now I'm suffocating .



I coughed up blood today, too. Maybe I should pick up those bottles i casted away in my closet, and finally takemy medication for everything I'm sick with. I'm too tired, and I don't want to take any more medication. I've been taking medication my entire life. It's too much now.



I stopped taking my antidepressants for the past couple of weeks, too. Hah. My family says it's stress bulidup, but I don't feel stressed at all. I don't really feel anything ? Or, it's more that I feel very little.

Everything I feel leads to bitterness.

I'm forever informed by the deepest kind of agony.