DAY 13 - describe the first time you got hurt

I wasn't raised by my parents. Instead, I grew up with a nanny. I lived with her for about tenish years of my life. I can't remember where I came home from that day (it was either school, piano, ballet, or swimming), but as I got into the house I heard charging footsteps right behind me. I turned around and saw my nanny. I bowed down and gave her my respect, because it was what I did on a daily basis when I got home. She got closer to me, and started pulling on my hair. Then, she started cursing at me. She looked at me with these eyes filled with hatred.

I didn't know what she was talking about, but whatever it was it was my fault. And the pain she inflicted on me hurt so much, I was so young at the time too I didn't know what to do, my only reaction was to cry.

As I began to cry, she started screaming, she started beating me. She told me to stop crying, but I didn't stop crying. She seemed to be taking her anger out on me, and I cried even harder. She got annoyed with my crying, and then she slapped me so hard that I fell to the floor.

I saw that as my way to escape, so I ran to my room as fast as I could. I slammed the door, and I grabbed my teddy bear and hid under the covers. At that time, I treated my blanket like it was form of shield, and my teddy bear was some form of protector. I held on my teddy bear so tightly, as I felt my tears leak down my cheeks to the hollows of my neck.

I can't remember much after that. I think she stood outside my door and yelled at me some more.

That night was the first time I cried myself to sleep.

After that evening, every time I spoke, asked a question, or started crying - I would get hit. I couldn't run to anyone. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. The only thing I knew I could do was just to not be home as often, so I threw myself in extracurriculars. Most people thought I was some ambitious child, who wanted to be something great, but in reality I wasn't. I mainly pushed myself to get noticed by my parents and earn their affection, but the other reason was to escape from her.

Haha.

Nowadays, when I do cry, I cry without making a sound.