DAY 4 - describe your last relationship

My last relationship was with Andrew.

I never matched up to him in any aspect. He could, if wanted, find a girl that was more suitable for him. There were times where he would cause me so much pain, there were days where I would just find myself crying-and-crying, but I still stuck beside him. My friends and 哥 called me foolish for doing so.

"What guy doesn't have time to put out 5 minutes to talk to his girlfriend"?

"Trust me, please. You're way too good to be treated like that. You'll find someone else some other day - but don't waste your heart's passion on a guy like that" ,

"No one in the world is that busy"

"You're going to settle on someone who treats you horribly"?

I knew they wanted the best for me, but I didn't care. I didn't listen- because I loved him. I'm so stubborn and thickheaded.

I loved him so dearly- and I still do- but it was only me who was in-love. I was the only who cherished our shared memories, times, messages. I gave him everything that was left of me. His attitude seemed like he didn't care at all, while I cared too much. I did so much for him. I went out of my way to do things that I thought he would smile from.

I gave up, because he never once fought for me. I was always the one who attempted to keep the relationship alive. I saw it coming, but no matter how wrong he was to me, I still wanted to be there for him. I wanted to be someone he could lean when times got hard. I still do too.

Oh, Andrew, I love you so much it consumes me whole, but you'll never read this; even though, you have access to both of my private and public blog.You chewed on my heart, stomped on my dignity, and torn apart my heart, but you'll never know. I don't think you've felt that your heart might burst by looking at me. Whenever I'm around you, I'm so overwhelmed. My throat hurts; I have trouble breathing. A bubble of happiness tends to surround me when you're near. Every cell in my body can feel your presence.

The first time we broke up, I swore I would keep my distance from you, but that I couldn't stay away. I knew I was in too deep already, and you continuously kept talking to me. How could I not fall? Then, you asked me out again. The first couple of weeks were going steadily - out of no where you left. A day turned in to a week, a week turned into a couple of weeks, a couple of weeks turned into a month and you still wouldn't say a word to me. Did you know how bad I wanted to let it go during the month that you left me alone? Did you know that I was always sitting, waiting, and wishing you would say something - anything? Instead, I held on. I held on until I couldn't anymore.

My feelings, as they are being put into words fly away again-and-again. They aren't coming back. They won't ever reach you. I could sit here and cry, but I'll try my best to hold them back. And that's the problem, I love you- I love you too much, too much to ever stop.

I do want you to be happy, I really, really do, but I don't want you to be happy without me.

"I wish without me your heart would break. I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake. I wish that without me you couldn't eat. I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep. "

Haha. I guess this is goodbye for real this time, huh ?