I should of.

"I should have told you when distance was not an excuse, when we were not such desperate tragedies, when I was not so goddamn bitter and you were not so whole.

I should have told you before our hellos grew so heavy, and our goodbyes so light, before our silences did not hold such weight, and before I did not measure the weight of the only two words we spoke to each other, before I began to measure our silences.

I should have told you when I had to keep from looking, when I could not keep from looking and you were always looking back.

I should have told you when you did not flinch away, when you did not ask me to repeat myself even though I did not make sense.

I should have told you before we walked past one another pretending our suns were not the same and we were not in the same orbit, because you spoke and I listened and you understood and I cried, and we could have made each other whole.

I should have told you when it was not so easy.

I should have told you when I still believed in god, and was not so pessimistic, and when you knew better.

I should have told you before we stopped looking at each other, before I no longer cared, and you no longer listened.

I should have told you when goodbyes were not inevitable.

I should have told you when I wanted you in autumn, hazy autumn, and in winter, lonely, broken winter – during spring, when I was learning to love, and all the way through summer, when it was not so cold to be lonely and too humid to be in love, but I would have had you anyway.

I should have told you, between bookshelves and things we both loved, I should have shaken you, I should have shown you the palm of my hands, cut the skin from my arms to show your reflection underneath, I should have sent you the map of our distance, should have marked your way to me with the words I did not say, should have made them poetry, beautiful enough so you would pick them up and swallow them and never find your way back from me again."

However, sadly, I didn't tell you anything. Not one single thing.

Somehow there's this lingering speck of hope I have. As if, you and I will eventually come back to one another later in the future.