You’re just becoming another faded wound in my heart with the other scars left behind.


During mid-May, I was one of the few selected students, who got recruited, to take this internship in Hong Kong, China. The interns who were selected would have everything paid for (plane ticket, room fee, and just basically all living expensive) along with being paid. I told a couple of people that I sent in my some stuff they required to be further evaluated, but I don't think I've ever told anyone about the results.

I didn't tell anyone that I applied to Oxford's Summer Medical Program, either. Well, only Chris knew, because he edited my essay. Whenever I mentioned this program, I talked about my friend, Mariah, who got accepted into the program and having a great time. And according to her, it was better than our summer together at Harvard last year.

And every time I brought it up, I guess, I expressed my interest in the program, and then a couple of people asked me why I didn't apply. I lied and told them that I didn't have enough money to afford the tuition along with all the other fees. Then, I told them that I wanted to stay in California, just to rest, catch up people who I haven't talked to so long, and just... be with like a normal graduating senior who was spending their last summer with their friends before parting ways. But how could I be like a typical graduating senior? I explained how I've been constantly traveling, somewhere else in the world studying, or something along those lines.

Everyone knew that I was always gone, so they all bought my lie so well.

Even though my parents haven't supported me since 8th grade, I could of gotten the money to go elsewhere. How would I be able to travel so often? Even if, most of the times my friends would offer to pay for it. How would I've been able to fend for myself for so long?

But really, I got the internship in Hong Kong. I was accepted to Oxford's selective medical program, too. I just, I don't know, decided not to go. During the beginning of the summer, I thought I had a clear reason why I didn't really want to attend Oxford's program or go to Hong Kong for an internship.

I passed up another opportunity - again. I wonder how it would of been if I attended Oxford, even if it was just for the summer, or if spent my summer in Hong Kong.

Remorse: Stage 01. of losing Chris' bet

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