Be cracked, but never opened.

Today, I went to go hang out with Tu and Lizzie. We walked around for awhile, then walked back to Lizzie's house and chilled out. After awhile Beethoven, Chris, Everett came over. When Chris came in and saw me he looked at me for a second and ran up the stairs. That was .... a bit odd. I know I'm hideous, but seriously I don't think I'm that hideous. Later when Beethoven came, he stared at me and asked, "Who are you?" Wow, I met you during winter break. Do I look that different? My self-conscious went down a bit today. We ended up sitting around, eating pizza, talking, and watching Food Network. We took a group picture though! :D
Beethoven ended up driving me to Eastridge for my mom to pick me up. It was kind of weird because I don't know him at all. We barely even said a word to each other, but thank you sir for driving me. Even though, you called me Fried Rice Girl.


I was talking to Maggie about random topics, and then it led to guys. It made me think about the guys I've been smitten towards in the past. I don't know why I always do this to myself. It's true that a lot of the guys out there are really unlikeable, but I end up falling for them either way. How? Why? I honestly don't have an explanation. I just do the most stupidest things to myself and end up hurting myself. It's as if I'm attracted to pain. You would think that after all this time, I would have learned my lesson. Or maybe, it's just a lesson that I just refuse to learn. Something like Maggie and me have for coffee. We never learn that coffee makes us want to go the bathroom. I think, it's because I don't want to think that the guys I'm attracted to are what they seem: assholes. Sometimes I wished I could ignore my emotions, but as soon as I do ignore my feelings I notice them more than normal. While when I leave my feelings as is, it'll just be the same cycle.